Article: The Female Body: Between Fashion, Standards, Ideals and Suffering

HOW TO COPE IN A FATPHOBIC WORLD

Between Myths and Realities: A New Vision of Body, Weight and Health

In today's society, our relationship with our body and food has become complicated, often painful. Everywhere, contradictory messages bombard us: "eat this, not that," "be thin but not too thin," "love your body but try to transform it"... These paradoxical injunctions create fertile ground for confusion and guilt.

How can we find our way when social media is filled with spectacular "before/after" transformations, magazines tout a new miracle diet every month, and even health professionals sometimes seem to contradict each other? Recent science shows us that reality is much more nuanced and complex than what we generally hear. This article explores what truly shapes our relationship with weight and food, to help us find a more peaceful and sustainable path to well-being.

Fatphobia: When Discrimination Affects Our Health

Fatphobia – discrimination against overweight or obese people – is not limited to mockery, stares in the street, or inappropriate comments from those around us. It's a systemic phenomenon whose ramifications extend far beyond immediate emotional wounds.

### Our Mental Health: The Bridge Between Body and Mind

Binge eating disorder, which affects approximately 2-5% of the population (and up to 30% of people consulting for weight loss), perfectly illustrates this link between body and mind. Characterized by episodes of excessive food consumption with a feeling of loss of control, it is not simply a lack of willpower or a "moral weakness."

Brain examinations show modifications similar to those observed in other forms of addiction: alterations in reward circuits (dopamine), reduction in gray matter volume in regions involved in impulse control, and hyperactivity in areas linked to negative emotions.

These brain modifications are not just a consequence of the disorder – they actively participate in its maintenance, creating a neurobiological vicious cycle where each episode of compulsion makes the next one more likely. We can then understand why approaches based solely on "strength of character" are doomed to failure: they ignore the biological reality of the disorder.

It must also be emphasized that binge eating is often an attempt at self-medication for emotional suffering. Foods rich in sugar and fat temporarily activate the brain's reward circuits, offering momentary relief from psychological distress. Without other effective strategies to manage this distress, resorting to food becomes a solution for psychological survival, even if it creates problems in the long term.

The Vicious Cycle of Mental Disorders and Weight

The figures are striking: people suffering from obesity have a 25-30% higher risk of suffering from depression or anxiety. This relationship works in both directions, creating a true vicious cycle that is difficult to break:

From depression to weight: Depression can diminish our energy level, disrupt our sleep, increase our attraction to comforting foods, and reduce our motivation for physical activity – all factors that promote weight gain.
From weight to depression: The mild but chronic inflammation present in obesity can disrupt neurotransmitters involved in our mood. Add to this social stigmatization, potential physical limitations, and distress related to repeated and unsuccessful weight loss attempts.
The medication impact: Certain psychiatric medications, particularly atypical antipsychotics but also some antidepressants, can lead to significant weight gain of 7-15% by modifying metabolism and increasing appetite. This weight gain can worsen the person's psychological distress and sometimes lead to abandonment of treatment.
The role of trauma: Traumas, particularly those experienced during childhood, are much more frequent in people suffering from severe obesity. Studies show that these painful experiences can permanently alter how our brain and hormonal system respond to stress, creating vulnerability to both eating disorders and mood disorders.

These complex connections are often ignored when weight is reduced to a simple question of "calories in and out" or when mental health and physical health are treated separately. An integrative approach, recognizing that body and mind are inseparable, becomes essential to break this vicious cycle.

The Toxic Beliefs That Poison Us

Our relationship with food is often disrupted by beliefs that, although pervasive in our culture, do us more harm than good. These beliefs infiltrate our minds from childhood and shape our relationship with food, often without our knowledge.

"Eating = Getting Fat": The Fear of Food

This simplistic equation transforms each meal into a source of anxiety. It reduces the act of nourishing ourselves – a fundamental need and potential source of pleasure – to a simple calculation of weight risk. Behind this belief often lies a Manichean vision of foods, divided into "good" and "bad," "permitted" and "forbidden."

Yet science shows that for the same diet, weight gain can vary from single to triple between different people! Studies on identical twins have revealed that faced with identical caloric excess, some gain a lot of weight while others gain little. Our basal metabolism, spontaneous physical activity (movements we make without thinking), digestive efficiency, and even body temperature influence how our body uses calories.

This caloric obsession can also disconnect us from the natural wisdom of our body. By focusing solely on quantity (calories, portions, grams), we lose sight of quality – what our body really needs at a given moment. A varied diet that listens to our body's signals is generally much more balanced than a diet dictated by rigid external rules.

"I Must Compensate": The Punishment Trap

The idea that food pleasure must be "paid for" by subsequent restriction or punitive exercise is deeply rooted in our culture. We hear it everywhere: "I indulged yesterday, today I'll make up for it," "I can eat this cake if I run 30 minutes more," "I've been good all week, I can give in this weekend."

This "compensation" mentality creates a destructive cycle documented by researchers Janet Polivy and Peter Herman under the name "cognitive restraint theory." Here's how it works:

We impose strict dietary restrictions ("I won't eat sugar/bread/etc. anymore")
This restriction increases the psychological value of the forbidden food (the "forbidden fruit" effect)
Inevitably, faced with accumulated frustration or stress, we end up consuming the forbidden food
Having "given in," we temporarily abandon all restrictions ("might as well..." "in for a penny, in for a pound..." "it's now or never")
Feelings of guilt and failure set in
To compensate, we impose even more severe restrictions
And the cycle begins again...

Decades of research show that this "restriction-excess" cycle is precisely what maintains weight problems over the long term. Even more troubling, studies show that the mere thought of an upcoming diet can trigger preemptive food compulsions – as if our body anticipates famine and seeks to build reserves.

"I Eat My Emotions Due to Lack of Willpower": The Illusion of Total Control

This belief associates emotional eating with moral failure, lack of discipline, or character. It ignores a fundamental reality: we are emotional beings before we are rational beings.

Neuroscience teaches us that eating in response to emotions is not a moral failure but a deeply ingrained adaptation strategy in our biology. Certain foods, particularly those rich in sugars, fats, and salt, temporarily stimulate the production of dopamine and serotonin, molecules that naturally soothe our emotional brain.

When we experience intense stress, sadness, loneliness, or even profound boredom, our brain instinctively seeks to restore emotional balance. For many of us, eating is one of the few emotional self-regulation strategies we have learned. Other strategies such as meditation, creative expression, physical activity, or social support can play this same soothing role, but they are not always accessible or have not been integrated into our habits.

Without these alternatives to manage our emotions, food remains a logical and short-term effective backup solution. The real problem is therefore not emotional eating itself, but having only one strategy to manage the entire range of our emotional experiences.

A more constructive approach is to expand our "emotional toolbox" rather than fighting against this natural tendency. By developing other means of soothing our nervous system and regulating our emotions, we gradually reduce our dependence on food as the only comfort strategy.

Food as a Modern Religion

Anthropologist Claude Fischler brilliantly observed that in our largely secularized society, food has taken the place once occupied by religion. This analysis is not just a metaphor: we can identify striking parallels between our contemporary food attitudes and traditional religious structures.

A Complete Nutritional Theology

We have created a true "nutritional theology" with all the classic elements of a religious system:

"Pure" and "impure" foods: Certain foods are invested with an almost sacred quality ("superfoods"), while others are demonized (sugar, gluten, dairy products depending on the times and trends). As in religious food taboos, their consumption generates a feeling of purity or defilement that far exceeds their actual nutritional impact.
Purification rituals: Detoxes, fasts, and other "cleanses" function exactly like religious purification rituals – they promise to "cleanse" us not only physically but also morally of the "impurities" accumulated through our food transgressions.
Gurus and prophets: Fitness and wellness influencers, authors of nutrition bestsellers, play the role of spiritual guides, offering paths to bodily "salvation." Their words are often accepted with a faith that resembles the religious, even when they contradict scientific consensus.
Communities of believers: Adherents of certain specific diets (paleo, ketogenic, vegan...) form communities with their own codes, language, and sometimes evangelical fervor to convert others to their vision.
Promises of "salvation": Body transformation is presented as redemption, promising not only health but also happiness, professional success, love, and social recognition – exactly as religions promise salvation of the soul.
A system of sins and penances: Dietary deviations are experienced as sins requiring penance in the form of subsequent restrictions or punitive exercise. The expression "cheating" to describe a deviation from a diet reveals this moral dimension of eating behavior.

The Psychological Consequences of this Vision

This moral and quasi-religious vision of food generates constant anxiety. A well-documented psychological phenomenon, "the rebound effect of thought suppression," shows that the more we try to avoid thinking about a "forbidden" food, the more obsessed with it we become!

Classic experiments in cognitive psychology show that if someone is asked NOT to think about a white bear for five minutes, the thought of the white bear becomes practically omnipresent. Similarly, telling yourself "I must not think about chocolate" makes chocolate even more present in your mind.

This cognitive obsession can become so intense that it disrupts our ability to concentrate on other aspects of our lives, creating what researchers call "chronic cognitive restriction" – a permanent state of food preoccupation that depletes our mental and emotional resources.

More worryingly, this excessive moralization of food can lead to orthorexia – an obsessive preoccupation with the "purity" of foods which, paradoxically, can harm physical and mental health. At the extreme, some people come to prefer eating nothing rather than consuming a food they consider "impure."### A Secular and Peaceful Alternative

Faced with this anxiety-producing food religiosity, a more balanced approach would be to "desacralize" our relationship with food – to bring it back to what it fundamentally is: a physiological need, a potential source of pleasure, and an element of our cultural identity, without overloading it with excessive moral meanings.

This desacralization does not mean that all food choices are equal from a nutritional point of view, but that our food decisions do not have to be invested with a crushing moral or identity weight. As nutritionist Evelyn Tribole suggests: "If you eat a donut, you have not become a donut. You are still the same person, having simply eaten a donut."

Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?

Our current vision of weight and body size is not natural or universal – it is deeply influenced by cultural values specific to our time and society. Understanding these cultural roots can help us step back from norms we have internalized as absolute truths.

The Historical Roots of Thinness as an Ideal

Contrary to what one might think, the association between thinness and the ideal of beauty is relatively recent in human history. In many cultures and eras, a certain roundness was valued as a sign of prosperity, fertility, and good health. Prehistoric Venus figurines, Rubens' paintings, or traditions in certain African cultures where women go through "fattening houses" before marriage testify to this diversity of body ideals.

The contemporary idealization of thinness developed in the 20th century, in parallel with the industrialization of food (making food abundant for the first time in history) and the emergence of mass media allowing the uniform dissemination of aesthetic ideals. What was once rare (thinness in a context of food scarcity) became desirable precisely because it became difficult to achieve in a context of abundance.

The Cultural Heritage of Control and Discipline

Our current vision of weight is also influenced by cultural values that associate thinness with discipline and success. This association finds its roots in several traditions:

Protestant ethics values asceticism and self-discipline as signs of moral virtue and even divine predestination. This religious tradition has deeply marked Western culture, even in its secular manifestations.
Neoliberal individualism transfers responsibility for structural problems to the individual. In this vision, success as well as failure are entirely attributed to personal choices, regardless of the socio-economic or biological conditions that constrain them.
The ideology of "healthism" transforms health from a biological state into an individual moral obligation. "Good health" becomes an ethical imperative and a personal responsibility rather than a collective good influenced by social factors.

This convergence of traditions creates a climate where body weight becomes a visible marker of self-control, discipline, and moral value. Obesity, on the other hand, is perceived as the visible sign of personal failure, lack of mastery, and even moral deficiency – what researchers call the "moralization of weight."

Ignored Social Inequalities

These individualizing beliefs ignore a fundamental scientific reality: socio-economic level predicts obesity much better than individual choices. The prevalence of obesity follows a clear social gradient in most industrialized countries – it is higher in disadvantaged environments and decreases as socio-economic status increases.

Several factors explain this unequal distribution:

Food deserts: Disadvantaged neighborhoods often have less access to fresh, quality food, but abound in fast food and ultra-processed foods.
Time constraints: Juggling multiple jobs or long working hours leaves little time to cook balanced meals or engage in regular physical activity.
Built environment: Fewer safe green spaces for physical activity, more pollution, housing unsuitable for meal preparation.
Chronic stress: Economic precariousness, discrimination, insecurity generate chronic stress that directly modifies metabolism and promotes fat storage.
Targeted marketing: Vulnerable populations are often disproportionately targeted by marketing of ultra-processed foods.

Ignoring these social determinants to focus only on individual choices amounts to blaming the victims of structural inequalities. As sociologist Tina Moffat points out: "Attributing obesity solely to personal choices is like saying poverty is due to a lack of motivation to work."

Food: Much More Than a Nutrition Question

Rituals That Reassure Us

As human beings, we use meals to structure our day and ease our existential anxieties. Anthropologist Claude Lévi-Strauss brilliantly showed how cooking is one of the first symbolic systems through which we transform nature (raw foods) into culture (cooked dishes) – a process that reflects our deeply human need to give meaning to our existence.

When we plan our meals, we unconsciously send ourselves the reassuring message: "Everything is fine, we'll eat soon." This food predictability activates biological mechanisms that reduce our stress. Studies in neuroendocrinology show that the mere anticipation of a meal modifies our cortisol levels (stress hormone) and triggers the secretion of soothing endorphins.

Food rituals – whether family dinner, morning coffee, or festive meals – anchor us in a reassuring continuity. They mark the passing of time, strengthen our social bonds, and offer us moments of predictable pleasure in an often unpredictable world.

This need for structure and predictability contrasts sharply with the reality of our ancestors, who lived in constant uncertainty about their next food source. For most of human history, the question "What will we eat tomorrow?" was a daily and distressing concern.

Between Our Prehistoric Heritage and Our Modern World

Our body has been programmed over millions of years of evolution to:

Store energy in anticipation of periods of scarcity. Our ancestors who efficiently stored fat were more likely to survive periods of famine and pass on their genes.
Be attracted to caloric foods. Our brain has developed an innate preference for sweet, fatty, and salty flavors – precisely those that signaled energy-rich foods, rare and precious in an environment of scarcity.
Save our energy when possible. The "laziness" we often reproach ourselves for is actually a deeply ingrained survival strategy: ancestors who unnecessarily expended their energy were disadvantaged compared to those who conserved it for essential activities.

This biological program was perfectly adapted to a world of food scarcity and obligatory physical activity. But today, we live in a radically different environment:

24/7 access to food. For the first time in human history, food is constantly available to a large part of the world's population.
Ultra-processed foods designed to be irresistible. The food industry deliberately exploits our evolutionary preferences for sugar, fat, and salt, creating products that bypass our natural satiety mechanisms.
Sedentary lifestyle. Our jobs, transportation, and leisure require less and less physical effort, while our biology still expects us to expend energy to obtain our food.
Opportunity of opulence to make food issues secondary. This unprecedented abundance offers extraordinary potential freedom: relegating the quest for food to a secondary concern in our lives. For the first time in human history, we have the privilege of being able to eat in order to live our lives as we see fit, rather than living to seek food. This radical transformation allows us to devote our energy, creativity, and time to other dimensions of our existence – our relationships, passions, contributions to the world – freed from the constant anxiety of food survival that has dominated the human experience for millennia.

This mismatch between our biology – shaped over millions of years – and our modern environment – transformed in a few decades – largely explains our collective difficulties with weight and food. It's not a personal flaw but a collective adaptation challenge that few of us entirely escape.

Understanding this evolutionary dimension doesn't instantly solve our problems, but it offers a more compassionate perspective: our difficulties don't reflect a personal weakness but a mismatch between our biology and our environment, between our evolutionary past and our technological present.

Towards a More Balanced Approach: How to Reconcile with Your Body

Faced with this complex situation, the most promising approaches abandon simplifications and adopt a more holistic vision, integrating the biological, psychological, and social dimensions of our relationship with our body and food.

Our Nervous System: The Key to Change

The revolutionary work of neuroscientist Stephen Porges on the "polyvagal theory" offers valuable insight into the biological mechanisms that underlie our eating behaviors. This theory explains how our autonomic nervous system – the one that regulates our vital functions without conscious intervention – profoundly influences our reactions to stress and, by extension, our relationship with food.

According to Porges, our nervous system can function in three main modes:

"Safety" Mode (ventral parasympathetic system): State of calm, social connection, and well-being. In this state, our digestion functions optimally, we can clearly feel our hunger and satiety signals, and we are able to make thoughtful food choices.
"Mobilization" Mode (sympathetic system): State of alertness, fight or flight in the face of danger. In this state, digestion slows down, anxiety increases, and we are more likely to turn to very caloric foods for their rapid effect on our brain chemistry.
"Immobilization" Mode (dorsal parasympathetic system): State of freezing, dissociation in the face of danger perceived as insurmountable. In this state, we may feel disconnected from our body, unable to feel our internal signals, and likely to alternate between severe food restriction and compulsive eating behaviors.

When we feel judged or threatened (including by negative messages about our body or restrictive diets perceived as a threat to our survival), our nervous system automatically shifts out of "safety" mode. This shift into defensive mode is not a conscious choice but a biological reaction deeply inscribed in our neurophysiology.

The key is to understand that we cannot access our optimal regulation resources – including a healthy relationship with food – when our nervous system is in defensive mode. It's like trying to repair a bicycle in free fall: the body's priority is immediate survival, not long-term optimization.

This explains why approaches based on fear, shame, or severe restriction generally fail: they activate precisely the neurological states that make sustainable change impossible. Creating a sense of safety – physical, emotional, and social – then becomes the first essential step for any lasting change in our relationship with our body and food.

This safety is not a luxury but a neurobiological prerequisite for change. It can be cultivated through various practices such as deep breathing, positive social contact, creative activities, or even certain forms of gentle movement that signal to our nervous system that we are safe.

Mindful Eating: Rediscovering Our Natural Signals

Approaches based on mindful eating show encouraging results for breaking out of destructive cycles of restriction and compulsion. Unlike traditional diets that impose external rules, these approaches reconnect us to the innate wisdom of our body.

Mindful eating invites us to:

Eat with awakened senses: Pay attention to the colors, textures, smells, and flavors of foods, slowing down enough to fully appreciate them. This conscious attention increases satisfaction and can naturally reduce the quantities needed to feel fulfilled.
Recognize true physical hunger: Learn to distinguish physical hunger (sensation in the stomach, decreased energy) from other food triggers such as boredom, sadness, or the mere presence of food. Without judging these other triggers, identifying them allows us to make more conscious choices.
Honor our real preferences: Rediscover what we really like to eat, not what we think we should like. Sometimes, we eat supposedly "healthy" foods without enjoying them, which creates a feeling of deprivation that later leads to excesses.
Respect satiety: Learn to recognize satiety signals – that subtle point where we are comfortably satisfied without being too full. With practice, we can refine our ability to detect this moment and stop eating accordingly.

These practices may seem simple, but they represent a revolution for many of us, accustomed to eating according to external clocks, nutritional rules, or emotional states rather than in response to the natural signals of our body.

Dr. Jean Kristeller, a pioneer in mindful eating, has demonstrated in her research that this approach can significantly reduce episodes of binge eating, improve natural weight regulation, and decrease food-related anxiety. Unlike traditional diets, these practices don't create additional anxiety but reduce it, paradoxically allowing more balanced choices in the long term.

Mindful eating doesn't promise spectacular and rapid weight loss, but rather a more peaceful and sustainable relationship with food – and by extension, with our body. It gradually frees us from the tyranny of external rules to reconnect us to our internal regulation, often disturbed by years of dieting and contradictory messages.

Accepting What We Don't Control: A Lesson in Ancient Wisdom

95% of things that happen to us are outside our direct control. This perspective, confirmed by research on social determinants of health, invites us to be more lenient towards ourselves and others.

The Greeks and Romans had integrated this fundamental reality into their worldview. They venerated Fortuna (or Tyche for the Greeks), goddess of chance, luck, and fate. This deity, often represented with a turning wheel (the "wheel of fortune"), symbolized the unpredictable hazards of human existence.

The Stoic philosophers, such as Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius, had drawn from this a practical wisdom summarized in this maxim: "Some things depend on us, others do not. Wisdom consists in concentrating our efforts on what depends on us, and accepting with serenity what does not depend on us."

Applied to our relationship with body and weight, this millennial wisdom invites us to humbly recognize the limits of our control:

We don't choose our genetics
We don't determine our initial gut microbiome
We didn't select our childhood environment
We don't control the cultural norms of our time
We don't decide our neurobiological sensitivity to stress

This humility in the face of life's vagaries is not passive resignation, but a wisdom that allows us to focus our energy on what we can really influence rather than exhausting ourselves in vain struggles against biological or social realities that are beyond us.

By abandoning the illusion of total control, we open a space for a more realistic and compassionate relationship with our body – a body that is doing its best in its circumstances, with the tools at its disposal.

Towards an "Inner Democracy": Reconciling the Parts of Ourselves

The traditional vision of our relationship with the body is that of a perpetual battle: the rational mind must control, discipline, and subdue an irrational and rebellious body. This internal war is not only exhausting but generally doomed to failure in the long term – as evidenced by the failure of 95% of diets over a five-year period.

Contemporary psychological approaches such as the Internal Family Systems (IFS) developed by Richard Schwartz offer a radically different paradigm. IFS conceptualizes our psyche not as a unified entity, but as composed of different "parts" or "sub-personalities," each with its own needs, desires, and fears.

In this perspective, our problematic eating behaviors are not "failures" to eradicate, but clumsy attempts by certain parts of ourselves to protect us or respond to legitimate needs:

The part that pushes us to eat excessively in the evening may be seeking to offer comfort and pleasure after a stressful day
The part that imposes severe restrictions on us may be trying to protect us from social rejection related to weight
The part that alternates between these extremes may be striving to maintain a precarious balance between contradictory needs

Instead of repressing or fighting these parts, IFS proposes to listen to them with curiosity and compassion, to understand their underlying motivations, and to find more suitable ways to address their legitimate concerns.

This "inner democracy" allows us to see our body not as an enemy to subdue, but as an ally whose signals – even uncomfortable ones – contain valuable information for our overall well-being.

Psychoanalyst Clarissa Pinkola Estés uses a beautiful metaphor to illustrate this approach: our psyche is like a clan or tribe where each member has an important role to play. Rather than exiling certain members (our impulses, desires, fears), we can learn to integrate them into a more harmonious inner community.

This integrative approach offers an alternative to the exhausting struggle against ourselves. It recognizes that behind every apparently "dysfunctional" behavior often lies a positive intention – an attempt to take care of ourselves with the tools available at a given moment.

Little by Little: How to Concretely Move Forward

Changing our relationship with our body and food is not a linear process that would follow a pre-established plan. It's rather a winding path made of advances, setbacks, and unexpected discoveries. Recognizing this non-linearity is essential to avoid discouragement in the face of inevitable fluctuations in our journey.

The Stages of Change Model: A Realistic Framework

According to the change model developed by psychologists Prochaska and DiClemente, any lasting change involves several distinct phases, each with its own challenges and strategies:

Precontemplation: At this stage, we don't yet fully recognize that there is a problem. We may be in denial or attribute our difficulties solely to external factors. Gradual awareness is the key to this phase.
Contemplation: We recognize that there is a problem, but we are ambivalent about change. Part of us wants to change, while another resists. Exploring this ambivalence, weighing the advantages and disadvantages of change, is crucial at this stage.
Preparation: We begin to seriously commit to change by identifying our resources (supports, skills, strengths) and obstacles (triggers, environment, ingrained habits). This phase involves small preliminary experiments.
Action: We implement concrete changes, but progressively rather than radically. Micro-habits – changes so small they don't trigger resistance – are particularly effective at this stage.
Maintenance: We consolidate our new practices until they become automatic and integrated into our identity. This phase involves anticipating challenges and preparing suitable strategies.
Relapse: Far from being a failure, relapse is an integral part of the change process. It offers valuable information about our vulnerabilities and necessary adjustments. Self-compassion is essential to transform these moments into learning opportunities.

Understanding that relapse is not a failure but a normal stage in the change process allows us to maintain our long-term commitment, rather than giving up at the first obstacle.

The Power of Micro-Habits

Contemporary approaches favor micro-changes rather than radical "all-or-nothing" transformations. This shift towards progressivity is not a default compromise but is based ona deep understanding of the neurobiological mechanisms of behavioral change.

Neuroscience shows that these small steps progressively create new brain circuits that are more stable and lasting than radical approaches. Each time we repeat a behavior, we strengthen the corresponding neural connections, making this behavior progressively more automatic and less costly in mental energy.

Some examples of effective micro-habits:

Taking three conscious breaths before each meal
Adding one portion of vegetables to one meal per day
Asking yourself "Am I really hungry?" before unplanned snacks
Eating without screens for one daily meal
Replacing self-critical thoughts with neutral observations ("My body is as it is today")

The effectiveness of these micro-habits rests on three key principles:

They are small enough not to trigger resistance - your "internal alarm system" doesn't perceive them as threatening
They are precise and concrete - you know exactly what to do and when
They integrate into your current daily life - they don't require a complete reorganization of your existence

These small changes, maintained over time, can profoundly transform our relationship with our body and food – not by forcing us to become someone else, but by helping us express more fully who we truly are.

Becoming Your Own Ally: The Crucial Role of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion – this ability to treat ourselves with the same kindness we would offer a dear friend – emerges as a determining factor in the sustainable transformation of our relationship with our body and food.

Researcher Kristin Neff defines self-compassion according to three components:

Kindness toward oneself: Treating oneself with gentleness rather than judgment
Common humanity: Recognizing that our difficulties are part of the shared human experience
Mindfulness: Observing our difficult thoughts and feelings without suppressing or exaggerating them

Research shows that self-compassion is not a form of indulgence or letting go, as one might fear. On the contrary, it promotes greater personal responsibility and better self-regulation. People who practice self-compassion are more likely to:

Recognize their mistakes and learn from them
Persevere after failure
Adopt behaviors favorable to their health
Resist harmful social pressures

It's about gradually revealing ourselves to ourselves as the trustworthy person we already are, recognizing that even our most puzzling behaviors have often served to protect us in one way or another.

This perspective invites us to see our past "failures" not as proof of personal deficiency, but as adaptation strategies that may have been necessary at a given time in our life. With compassion, we can honor these strategies for the protection they offered us, while recognizing that we now have access to more suitable resources.

Conclusion: Beyond Myths, A More Human Vision

True liberation will not come from a new miracle diet, iron discipline, or punitive self-discipline. Current scientific data converge towards a more nuanced and integrative approach that recognizes the complexity of our relationship with our body and food.

A Body Ecology Rather Than a Battle

Instead of seeing our body as an adversary to discipline, we can develop an ecological vision – our body as a complex ecosystem constantly seeking balance in a changing environment. This perspective invites us to:

Recognize the complexity of factors that influence our weight: genetics, microbiome, hormones, social environment, stress, sleep, and many others
Value the natural diversity of bodies rather than uniformity imposed by arbitrary cultural standards
Integrate the biological, psychological, and social dimensions of our food, rather than reducing it to a simple question of calories or nutrients
Promote a relationship with the body based on respect and listening rather than control and domination

An Invitation to Authenticity

This more holistic approach invites us to abandon simplistic narratives about weight, willpower, and merit to embrace a more complete understanding of our humanity. As sociologist Abigail Saguy writes: "We don't need more guilt around food and weight; we need more compassion, understanding, and social justice."

In a society that values appearance and performance, daring to fully inhabit one's body, with its unique history and particularities, becomes a revolutionary act of authenticity. It's choosing to be fully present in our bodily experience rather than living in perpetual anticipation of a supposedly "perfect" future body.

This authentic presence is not resignation but a deep commitment to our overall well-being – a well-being that is not measured by the weight on a scale but by our ability to live fully, to connect with others, and to contribute to the world from who we truly are, here and now.

As poet Mary Oliver suggests: "You only have one thing to do: to live your life in a way that makes sense." This simple wisdom reminds us that our body is not a project to perfect but the precious vehicle of our human experience – a body that, despite its imperfections, allows us to touch, taste, feel, love, and be in this world.

This article offers a synthesis of recent scientific research and personal reflection. It does not replace the advice of health professionals. If you suffer from eating disorders or a difficult relationship with your body, do not hesitate to consult qualified specialists (doctors, nutritionists, psychologists) who can accompany you in a personalized way.

Sources and Resources

Additional Resources

Books for the general public:

Bacon, L. (2010). Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight. BenBella Books.
Fauré, C. (2015). Anti-régime : Pour en finir avec les obsessions alimentaires. Odile Jacob.
Tribole, E., & Resch, E. (2012). Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works. St. Martin's Griffin.
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.
Chozen Bays, J. (2009). Mindful Eating: A Guide to Rediscovering a Healthy and Joyful Relationship with Food. Shambhala.
Taylor, S. R. (2018). The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love. Berrett-Koehler Publishers.
Clerget, S. (2014). S'aimer enfin ! Un déclic pour être bien. Albin Michel.

Associations and Online Resources:

Groupe de Réflexion sur l'Obésité et le Surpoids (GROS): www.gros.org
Association Française pour la Recherche et le Traitement de l'Obésité (AFERO): www.afero.fr
Fédération Nationale d'Associations Liées aux Troubles du Comportement Alimentaire (FNA-TCA): www.fna-tca.fr
Centre for Mindful Eating: www.thecenterformindfuleating.org
Association Française de Thérapie Comportementale et Cognitive: www.aftcc.org
The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA): www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

Podcasts and YouTube channels:

"Food Psych" by Christy Harrison (in English)
"Vivre avec son poids" by GROS
"The Body Image Podcast" by Corrine Dobbas (in English)
"Psychologie et Nutrition" by Jean-Philippe Zermati and Gérard Apfeldorfer
"Maintenance Phase" by Aubrey Gordon and Michael Hobbes (in English)

Mindful eating applications:

Am I Hungry? Mindful Eating
Eat Right Now
Rise Up
Mindful Eating Tracker
Headspace (sections on mindful eating)

Scientific and Academic References

On fatphobia and its effects:

Phelan, S. M., et al. (2015). "Impact of weight bias and stigma on quality of care and outcomes for patients with obesity." Obesity Reviews, 16(4), 319-326.
Puhl, R. M., & Heuer, C. A. (2010). "Obesity stigma: Important considerations for public health." American Journal of Public Health, 100(6), 1019-1028.
Tomiyama, A. J., et al. (2018). "How and why weight stigma drives the obesity 'epidemic' and harms health." BMC Medicine, 16(1), 123.

On biological factors of weight:

Locke, A. E., et al. (2015). "Genetic studies of body mass index yield new insights for obesity biology." Nature, 518(7538), 197-206.
Turnbaugh, P. J., et al. (2006). "An obesity-associated gut microbiome with increased capacity for energy harvest." Nature, 444(7122), 1027-1031.
Schwartz, M. W., et al. (2017). "Obesity pathogenesis: An Endocrine Society scientific statement." Endocrine Reviews, 38(4), 267-296.
Bouchard, C., et al. (1990). "The response to long-term overfeeding in identical twins." New England Journal of Medicine, 322(21), 1477-1482.

On mental health and eating disorders:

Luppino, F. S., et al. (2010). "Overweight, obesity, and depression: A systematic review and meta-analysis of longitudinal studies." Archives of General Psychiatry, 67(3), 220-229.
Wonderlich, S. A., et al. (2009). "The validity and clinical utility of binge eating disorder." International Journal of Eating Disorders, 42(8), 687-705.
Danese, A., & Tan, M. (2014). "Childhood maltreatment and obesity: Systematic review and meta-analysis." Molecular Psychiatry, 19(5), 544-554.

On food beliefs and their effects:

Herman, C. P., & Polivy, J. (1983). "A boundary model for the regulation of eating." Psychiatric Annals, 13(12), 918-927.
Wegner, D. M., et al. (1987). "Paradoxical effects of thought suppression." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53(1), 5-13.
Mann, T., et al. (2007). "Medicare's search for effective obesity treatments: Diets are not the answer." American Psychologist, 62(3), 220-233.

On therapeutic approaches:

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
Kristeller, J. L., & Wolever, R. Q. (2011). "Mindfulness-based eating awareness training for treating binge eating disorder: The conceptual foundation." Eating Disorders, 19(1), 49-61.
Neff, K. D. (2003). "Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself." Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.
Prochaska, J. O., & DiClemente, C. C. (1983). "Stages and processes of self-change of smoking: Toward an integrative model of change." Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 51(3), 390-395.

On anthropological and cultural dimensions:

Fischler, C. (1990). L'homnivore. Odile Jacob.
Lévi-Strauss, C. (1964). Le cru et le cuit. Plon.
Crawford, R. (1980). "Healthism and the medicalization of everyday life." International Journal of Health Services, 10(3), 365-388.
Marmot, M. (2015). The health gap: The challenge of an unequal world. Bloomsbury Publishing.